Sandra’s Got It…Unfortunately. 82nd Annual “Academy Awards” Predictions

  

    Above, Sandra accepts her Razzie Award for Worst Actress. When she wins tonight, she’ll be the first actress in history to win film’s worst honor atop it’s most prestigious. Go figure. I couldn’t be more unenthused to discuss the impending cinemapocalypse that is about to be the 82^nd Annual “Academy Awards”.  So much so that I’ve decided this isn’t the real Academy Awards this year, just some other awards show playing dress up. Hence the title in quotations. If it weren’t for the ridiculous head-so-far-up-the-asshole antics of the AMPAS and subordinate organizations this year (HFPA, I’m still looking at you), 2010’s festivities might actually be tolerable. But I’m sick of even the Oscars being a “tolerable” experience. I miss the years when talent within filmmaking and passion for the craft of acting was celebrated instead of the “the industry needs you” awards given out as of late (I’m looking at you, Kate, and I will be looking at you after tonight, Sandra). In an industry celebration as widely recognized and highly respected as the AMPAS is, they might find themselves losing a lot of that warranted respect if they continue with their agenda of getting viewers over loyalty to the fans, actors, and filmmakers that hold them in such high regard.

   I mean, Meryl Streep has been straight up cock blocked from an Oscar by the Academy since 1983. 12 nominations since her last win? Are you serious? That leaves only 5 years out of the past 17 that have gone without Meryl being recognized for some sort of achievement within film. And it hasn’t been a fruitful recognition once. Not fucking once.  Meryl’s not a Sandra Bullock, guys. No, she’s an actual film legend. Sandra’s a temporary saving grace for society at this point in time. A hot commodity treading the line of being “old” by industry standards, yet maintaining a fanbase consisting of college students to seniors, that’s all she is. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. She’s a likable person. She brings in the bucks. But when the AMPAS of the future looks back on the history of their institution, no one is going to give two shits about Sandra Bullock and her dumb visually-impaired film. They’re going to talk about what idiots their forefathers were in not giving Merly her fucking Oscar 12 times in a row.

   And don’t even get me started on what the Academy missed out on in the wide scope of things this year…need I mention The Girlfriend Experience? How about (500) Days of Summer? Or perhaps A Single Man (which only got one not-a-chance-in-hell-at-a-win nomination), the best film of last year? Of course not. Those films didn’t make $300 million at the boxoffice this summer. The general public literally has no idea what they are. But hey, we’re in the business of making money and manipulating viewers into thinking that what they already flock to see is brilliant filmmaking when in fact it’s just a studio cash cow in lipstick. Things need to change, Academy…and I mean now.  

                Here are my predictions for the 82^nd Annual Academy Awards…

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Jeff Bridges

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Mo’Nique

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Christoph Waltz

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow

Best Screenplay (Original): Inglourious Basterds

Best Screenplay (Adapted):  Up in the Air

Best Cinematography: Avatar

Best Art Direction: Avatar

Best Costume Design: The Young Victoria

Best Makeup: Star Trek

Best Original Score: Sherlock Holmes

Best Sound Mixing: Avatar

Best Sound Editing: Avatar

Best Visual Effects: Avatar

Best Foreign Language Film: The White Ribbon

Best Documentary: The Cove