Above, Sandra accepts her Razzie Award for Worst Actress. When she wins tonight, she’ll be the first actress in history to win film’s worst honor atop it’s most prestigious. Go figure. I couldn’t be more unenthused to discuss the impending cinemapocalypse that is about to be the 82^nd Annual “Academy Awards”.  So much so that I’ve decided this isn’t the real Academy Awards this year, just some other awards show playing dress up. Hence the title in quotations. If it weren’t for the ridiculous head-so-far-up-the-asshole antics of the AMPAS and subordinate organizations this year (HFPA, I’m still looking at you), 2010’s festivities might actually be tolerable. But I’m sick of even the Oscars being a “tolerable” experience. I miss the years when talent within filmmaking and passion for the craft of acting was celebrated instead of the “the industry needs you” awards given out as of late (I’m looking at you, Kate, and I will be looking at you after tonight, Sandra). In an industry celebration as widely recognized and highly respected as the AMPAS is, they might find themselves losing a lot of that warranted respect if they continue with their agenda of getting viewers over loyalty to the fans, actors, and filmmakers that hold them in such high regard.

   I mean, Meryl Streep has been straight up cock blocked from an Oscar by the Academy since 1983. 12 nominations since her last win? Are you serious? That leaves only 5 years out of the past 17 that have gone without Meryl being recognized for some sort of achievement within film. And it hasn’t been a fruitful recognition once. Not fucking once.  Meryl’s not a Sandra Bullock, guys. No, she’s an actual film legend. Sandra’s a temporary saving grace for society at this point in time. A hot commodity treading the line of being “old” by industry standards, yet maintaining a fanbase consisting of college students to seniors, that’s all she is. Don’t get me wrong, I get it. She’s a likable person. She brings in the bucks. But when the AMPAS of the future looks back on the history of their institution, no one is going to give two shits about Sandra Bullock and her dumb visually-impaired film. They’re going to talk about what idiots their forefathers were in not giving Merly her fucking Oscar 12 times in a row.

   And don’t even get me started on what the Academy missed out on in the wide scope of things this year…need I mention The Girlfriend Experience? How about (500) Days of Summer? Or perhaps A Single Man (which only got one not-a-chance-in-hell-at-a-win nomination), the best film of last year? Of course not. Those films didn’t make $300 million at the boxoffice this summer. The general public literally has no idea what they are. But hey, we’re in the business of making money and manipulating viewers into thinking that what they already flock to see is brilliant filmmaking when in fact it’s just a studio cash cow in lipstick. Things need to change, Academy…and I mean now.  

                Here are my predictions for the 82^nd Annual Academy Awards…

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock

Best Actor in a Leading Role: Jeff Bridges

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Mo’Nique

Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Christoph Waltz

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow

Best Screenplay (Original): Inglourious Basterds

Best Screenplay (Adapted):  Up in the Air

Best Cinematography: Avatar

Best Art Direction: Avatar

Best Costume Design: The Young Victoria

Best Makeup: Star Trek

Best Original Score: Sherlock Holmes

Best Sound Mixing: Avatar

Best Sound Editing: Avatar

Best Visual Effects: Avatar

Best Foreign Language Film: The White Ribbon

Best Documentary: The Cove

Until  then, I leave you with an idea/image/kernel of common sense the AMPAS should most likely take note of…

BAFTA Results for Best Actress

   So let me get this straight, The Blind Side getting a Best Picture nomination just a further attempt by the AMPAS to seemingly justify Sandra’s nomination and imminent win, right? I mean, no one actually believes a “film” like that is superior to much else from last year (namely A Single Man, the most worthy of the incredible films left out of the BP slot in place of The Blind Side). I’m just so disgusted right now. At least An Education and Maggie Gyllenhaal got in for major categories. Full opinion/bitchy reaction to the full list of nominees will be posted later. Ugh. (PS – WTF was my girl Grandma Hathway wearing when she announced this morning?)

   Basically, I love you, Gaga. Thanks for being the most amazing entertainer/visionary/performer/artist/person in the world.  Love, me.

 …and my heart is broken. that’s all.

   As much as the above picture disturbs me, it doesn’t really come as a surprise. The recent whoring of itself to the masses knocks the AMPAS down a few rungs on the crediblity ladder to anyone who appreciates true cinema, and this is whoring to the fullest extent. It’s that simple. I’m sick of the “It’s her time” and “she really deserves it” bullshit because quite frankly, she doesn’t. I can’t think of any other way to put it. If it weren’t such a blatant popularity contest instead of recognition based on real talent in real films (no, I don’t consider The Blind Side a real film. Bite me.) I could see if she paid her dues and gave us years of Doubts, Out of Africas, or Kramer Vs. Kramers like Goddess Streep has, but she’s just a ticket to mainstream credibility the AMPAS has been after so heavily for the past 3 or 4 years now. The inclusion of a further 5 films on top of the usual 5 in the Best Picture category earlier last year only proves my point further (Best Picture Nominee: The Hangover just doesn’t sit well with me, I’m sorry). I mean really, shouldn’t you guys be recognizing this :

…or this:

…or this…(I know, I know, but she was fucking brilliant in The Girlfriend Experience…

…but most importantly, this:

   The mistake that’s being made here (and the past several years she’s been nominated) is that Meryl Streep is being taken for granted. Plain and simple. For an institution as respected as the Academy is, to take one of the greatest and most prolific contributors to the medium it recognizes for granted is insane. In 15 years we might not have a Meryl Streep to lavish with fruitless nominations. Her Oscar count stands at 2, but in years where she actually deserves her credit a popularity award is doled out to the biggest darling of the moment (I’m looking at you, Kate Winsluet). It might be Sandra’s moment to be that darling, but eternity is where Meryl’s legacy lies, at least within the context of the industry. And to continuously ignore someone of that stature demeans the word “recognition” more than the Academy will demean itself by handing out Sandra’s Oscar this March.

Yeah…title is self-explanatory. Here’s my predictions for the big categories…oh, and p.s., tonight will be the indicator of whether or not Sandra Bullock actually has a shot at beating my Meryl on Oscar night. I hope to God she doesn’t win here let alone at the Oscars, but something is giving me a bad vibe. The fact that she tied with Empress Streep at the CCMA’s

Best Picture: Musical/Comedy – (500) Days of Summer

Best Picture: Drama – Up in the Air

Best Actress: Drama – Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) – damnit, now that I’m really scoping out her competition, there’s no way in hell she’s going to lose. This is truly sickening.

Best Actress: Musical/Comedy – Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)

Best Actor: Drama – George Clooney (Up in the Air)

Best Actor: Musical/Comedy – Daniel Day-Lewis (Nine)

Best Supporting Actress – Mo’Nique (Precious)

Best Supporting Actor – Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)

Best Director – James Cameron (Avatar)

Best Screenplay – Up in the Air

Best Animated Film – Up

Best Foreign Language Film – Broken Embraces

  In ridiculous contrast with last year, 2009′s first half can only be considered a cinematic bang; countless films that defied the “summer slump” and “jacked-up January” standard were released on an unsuspecting cinema elitist public. As a result, brilliant films amongst the likes of The Girlfriend Experience, Julia, Cherry Blossoms, and Two Lovers fell by the wayside as other constructions that the masses consider “films”, like Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen shot to the top of the world’s commercial cinematic standard. In addition to underappreciated masterpieces such as the aforementioned, 2009 also treated us to some uniquely innovative, playfully-different, and deliberately-conspicuous excersizes in style and content, sometimes coming from cinema vets (Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist and Sam Mendes’ Away We Go) and others spawning from what seemed to be a really intense girls’ night out resulting in a “hey, let’s writing a fucking screenplay!” moment (I’m looking at you, Diablo Cody and your shamefully-brilliant, balls-out experiment Jennifer’s Body).  Hell, even Tyler Perry outgrew his “trying to please the people” filmmaking style and cranked out a good film (I Can Do Bad All By Myself). Who knew.

   But no other film from 2009 was able to top the simple epic greatness of Tom Ford’s A Single Man, truly one of the best and most original films of the decade.

    However, what 2009 compensated for in terms of originality, experimentation, and indie-goodness strength, it completely lacked in the department of hard-hitting Oscar bait. And yes, that means you and your beyond-embarrassing Avatar, Mr. Cameron. What promised to be one of the most inspiring and moving portraits of urban lower class life turned out to be simply an above-average romp through a ghetto populated by brilliant actors (Precious), and what looked to be one of the most unique and engaging musical films of all time ended up being a confused and over-the-top circus of big-name actors fighting for center stage (Nine).  Even Hayao Miyazaki and Woody Allen, two of the most brilliant contemporary directors, fell a bit short, with their latest offerings only barely scratching the surface of what made them iconic auteurs within their respective niche in the industry.

    But when it comes down to it, 2009 ended up being a merely uneven bell curve of a year, the strongpoints surprisingly coming towards the middle of the year and trailing off towards the end. Eh, whatever, I’m just here to enjoy the show after all, and the filmmakers of 2009 certainly put on their best efforts (minus you, James Cameron, Avatar still sucks). Here’s a look at my personal nominations for 2009.

I’ve Yet to See:

The Blind Side

Map of the Sounds of Tokyo

Cheri

The Young Victoria

The Messenger

The White Ribbon

The Stoning of Soraya M.

Invictus

Tokyo Sonata

It’s Complicated

Best Motion Picture of the Year (2009)

Julia

(500) Days of Summer

The Girlfriend Experience

Two Lovers

Broken Embraces

Antichrist

Precious

Inglourious Basterds

Cherry Blossoms

A Single Man

An Education

WINNER:

A Single Man - Tom Ford

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Meryl Streep as Julia Child in Julie and Julia

Sasha Grey as Chelsea/Christine Brown in The Girlfriend Experience

Carey Mulligan as Jenny in An Education

Tilda Swinton as Julia in Julia

Charlotte Gainsbourg as “She” in Antichrist

Gabourey Sidibe as Clarice “Precious” Jones in Precious

Abbie Cornish as Fanny Brawne in Bright Star

WINNER:

Sasha Grey as Chelsea/Christine Brown in The Girlfriend Experience

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Daniel Day-Lewis as Guido Contini in Nine

Joaquin Phoenix as Leonard Kraditor in Two Lovers

Viggo Mortensen as “The Father” in The Road

Colin Firth as “George” in A Single Man

George Clooney as Ryan Bingham in Up in the Air

Elmar Wepper as Rudi Angermeier in Cherry Blossoms

WINNER:

Joaquin Phoenix as Leonard Kraditor in Two Lovers

Best Actress in a Supporting Role

Mariah Carey as Mrs. Weiss in Precious

Hannelore Elsner as Trudi Angermeier in Cherry Blossoms

Julianne Moore as “Charley” in A Single Man

Mo’Nique as Mary in Precious

Sienna Miller as Caitlin MacNamara in The Edge of Love

Vinessa Shaw as Sandra Cohen in Two Lovers

Chloe Sevigny as Megan in Lying

Penelope Cruz as Lena in Broken Embraces

WINNER:

Mo’Nique as Mary in Precious

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Anthony Mackie as SGT. JT Sanborn in The Hurt Locker

Christoph Waltz as Colonel Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds

Peter Sarsgaard as David in An Education

Jose Luiz Gomez as Ernesto Martel in Broken Embraces

WINNER:

Christoph Waltz as Colonel Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds

Best Screenplay (Adapted + Original)

An Education

Inglourious Basterds

Bright Star

A Single Man

The Girlfriend Experience

Up in the Air

Julia

Precious

Broken Embraces

WINNER:

Inglourious Basterds

Best Film Direction

Lee Daniels – Precious

Erick Zonca – Julia

Tom Ford – A Single Man

Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds

Lars Von Trier – Antichrist

Pedro Almodovar – Broken Embraces

Marc Webb - (500) Days of Summer

Lone Scherfig – An Education

WINNER:

Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds

Best Art Direction

District 9

Antichrist

Up

The Road

Avatar

Nine

Inglourious Basterds

WINNER:

Inglourious Basterds

Best Cinematography

Antichrist

The Limits of Control

A Single Man

Nine

Cherry Blossoms

Julia

The Edge of Love

Broken Embraces

WINNER:

Antichrist

Best Film Editing

(500) Days of Summer

Julia

Broken Embraces

A Single Man

The Girlfriend Experience

Up

Inglourious Basterds

Up in the Air

Paranormal Activity

WINNER:

Paranormal Activity

Best Sound (Mixing + Editing)

Nine

Terminator: Salvation

Avatar

Up

Drag Me to Hell

The Hurt Locker

District 9

Antichrist

Inglourious Basterds

WINNER:

Avatar

Best Visual Effects

Avatar

Where the Wild Things Are

District 9

WINNER:

District 9

Best Costume Design

Where the Wild Things Are

Nine

(500) Days of Summer

Inglourious Basterds

The Edge of Love

A Single Man

An Education

WINNER:

Nine

Best Original Song

“Iou Bacio…Tu Baci” by The Noisettes for Nine

“Smoke Without Fire” by Duffy for An Education

“All is Love” by Karen O. and the Kids for Where the Wild Things Are

“Quando Quando Quando” by Fergie (feat. will.i.am) for Nine

“Cinema Italiano” by Kate Hudson for Nine

WINNER:

“Smoke Without Fire” by Duffy for An Education

Best Makeup/Hair

Jennifer’s Body

Nine

Inglourious Basterds

Drag Me to Hell

The Edge of Love

A Single Man

WINNER:

Nine

Total Nominations: 99

A Single Man – 9

Inglourious Basterds – 9

Nine – 9

An Education – 7

Broken Embraces – 7

Julia – 6

Antichrist – 6

Precious – 6

The Edge of Love – 4

Cherry Blossoms – 4

The Girlfriend Experience – 4

(500) Days of Summer – 4

Two Lovers – 3

Up in the Air – 3

Where the Wild Things Are – 3

Avatar – 3

District 9 - 3

Up – 3

The Road – 2

The Hurt Locker – 2

Drag Me to Hell – 2

Bright Star – 2

Jennifer’s Body – 1

The Limits of Control – 1

Paranormal Activity – 1

Lying – 1

Julie and Julia – 1

Terminator: Salvation – 1

Total Wins: 15

Inglourious Basterds – 4

The Girlfriend Experience – 2

Nine – 2

A Single Man – 1

An Education – 1

Two Lovers – 1

Precious – 1

Antichrist – 1

Paranormal Activity – 1

Avatar – 1

District 9 – 1

   It pains me so much to  have to type this, but according to The Huffington Post and TMZ, brilliant and vivacious comedic actress Brittany Murphy, 32, died of cardiac arrest last night.

   No further details were given on the actress’ death other than her collapse and subsequent failed revival. Murphy was and will live on through her work as one of the most unique and charismatic comedic actresses of this generation. Each role she played was accompanied with her characteristically-charming demeanor and flair for the comedic art reminiscent of Lucille Ball and, dare I say it, Marilyn Monroe. Murphy leaves behind a diverse and fulfilling career in film, ranging from her short-but-sweet portrayal of a small-town beauty queen hopeful in Drop Dead Gorgeous to much deeper and girthy roles like those in Uptown Girls, Girl Interrupted, 8 Mile, and The Dead Girl (of which the subject matter becomes that much more eerie as of this news). Murphy’s career entertained and, more importantly, brought a much-needed smile to countless faces across the world. Whether she was flashing her blinding smile, flipping her gorgeous blonde hair, or simply gazing at us with those beautiful doe-like eyes of hers (of course accompanied by that infectious laugh), Brittany Murphy never stopped putting on a show.

   You will be dearly, dearly missed, Ms. Murphy. Rest in peace.